Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Randomize
