New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize