I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
