Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
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