If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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