Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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