I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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