I think i peed on brittanys purse
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I have fence marks all over my body
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
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