Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Randomize
