Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
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