perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
