Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
