My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
