he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
