I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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