I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
