he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
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