I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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