She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
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