You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
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