and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Randomize
