I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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