you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
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