i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
