shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
