I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Randomize
