Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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