sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
