I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
