Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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