just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
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