So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Randomize
