If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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