Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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