I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
