Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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