he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
