just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
