I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
