You smell like a Billy Joel song
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
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