I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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