This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
My bed is full of blood and feathers
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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