he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
