the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
