Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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