I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
