I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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