apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
