he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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