I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
