I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize