I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
you didnt know i had herpes?
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize