is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
