So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
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