so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
