Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
