Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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