I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
