first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
