well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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