Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
