So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
