this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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