you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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