kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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