the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
