i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize