So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I am naked and annoyed.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
