Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
